The Evolution of Vicky Whisler

Yet another birthday and holiday season is upon me and while standing in my kitchen baking a second round of muffins, I have taken inventory of my life. Baking and feeding two children that for most people who know me very well would 10 years ago find improbable if not impossible.

20 years ago having kids or even being married for that matter was something I simply was not interested in. I was more interested in hiding out in the basement of my parents house and painting. I also was quite dark and brooding. I had plenty of friends who were for the most part dark and brooding as well except for a few I pretty much kept to myself. I did have one friend who was normal and did a fine job at making me appear normal as well - she was my best friend.

I listened to the dark music of the day - NIN - and I preferred a solitary life at school. I was constantly in my head. I was constantly in my journal (considered myself a poet as well) and I was constantly painting or drawing. I had little time for friends and I didn't do the typical things girls my age did. I hated babysitting and I hated girly girl shit for the most part. I hung out with the boys in my neighborhood and we spent most of our time in the woods. Hiking, digging around in the creek picking the crayfish out. Mostly, I spent my days under a beech tree in the woods in my backyard dreaming.

Dreaming of my future life. My future solitary life. My future solitary life in a log cabin in a forest somewhere. Somewhere hidden and far away. I would paint my days away and live off the land and not worry about the people out there. I never wanted to get married and I certainly never wanted to have kids. I would be content - me and the trees.

I researched every plant, tree, animal, bug and living thing in the woods. I could tell you what was edible, what was deadly, what was what. I considered myself an expert of my backyard and I probably was. I never shared my knowledge with anyone but I had some grand plans and adventures all on my own and that 's the way I liked it.

What possessed me to marry and then to have kids and even more strange find myself baking barefoot and in the kitchen? What happened? Where did the dark go? Where did the poet go? Where did the solitary life of painting in my log cabin go? I can say it happened the day I met my husband. The day I found I was pregnant and the first time I made a banana muffin and it actually came out of the oven tasting good.

Thank God for good men. Thank God for children and thank God for food that tastes good.
I'm happy and Thank God I threw those dreams out the door the day I met Brandy! I give him all the credit. No worries - I keep his ego in check.

Random locations in the Smoky Mountain National Park

( Notice the green - it's native rhodies in most of the pics and it's a lovely in winter and blooms in late spring even more lovely. )


We are stardust we are golden
we are billion year old carbon.


I dreamed I saw bomber death planes
riding shotgun in the sky
turning into butterflies
above our nation. . .


Got to get back to the land and my set soul free...
. . . and I feel as if I am a cog in somethin turnin. . .


and life is for learnin. . .

We are caught in the devils bargain. . .

and we got to get ourselves back to the garden. . .

~Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

So, I wish I was on a river somewhere - part II

So, as I patiently wait for my next crayon to present itself, I notice the enormous amount of baggage that has slipped off of my back behind me in the process. I feel light. The yellows and greens in my crayon box are begging me to play with them once again. My old friends are knocking on my door. Positive things are popping up on my path. Life seems like a giant chocolate fudge ice cream cone instead of a bitter pill that's too big to swallow.
This, this and only this, encourages me to continue. This is the light bulb that pretty much fell out of the socket and directly on my head causing the inner light bulb of self-awareness to come on. The more negative baggage I dump and the more crayons I find the more self-aware I become. Me minus the ego. Me minus the want. Me minus all the hurt. Just me.

So, I wish I was on a river somewhere. Somewhere green, sunny - lemon yellow. Blue reflecting off every facet of sparkling, natural, earth energy all around me. Sounds of birds, water - harmony. I want to pull my crayons out and let them melt in the scenery. I don't want anymore. I don't need anymore. I just am. This is the way it's supposed to be. This is our true nature.
You are what you are. Go find your crayons.


Yeah, I wrote this in two parts - I've got kids and I hit publish before I was finished and then I had to run off to pick one of the little terr - angels up. You get the picture.

So, I wish I was on a river somewhere - part I

Life can sometimes take unexpected turns. Right now my life is a rainbow of contrasts, if that makes any sense to anyone. One day I'm red the next I'm green, day before yesterday I was blue, yesterday I was orange - so on and so forth. I wouldn't call it manic-depressive just very colorful.
I am beginning to understand the nature of people around me as well and how to deal with certain characters. This has added to the many colors of my mood lately. I am happy to say that I get it now. I understand that I can control the colors of my mood and not to let others take the crayon box from me. What a wonderful feeling.
So, these last few weeks I have been collecting my crayons that were taken out of my crayon box and I have been putting them back. I am, of course, wearing the color before I place my long lost crayon back into the box. I am wearing it and loving it, embracing it and calling it my own. What a wonderful feeling, even the not so wonderful colors are being welcomed home with tenderness and love. Neatly they are organized and carefully placed back where they belong. Just as I did as a child, the different shades of red are all standing tall and straight next to each other, the brilliant and talented hues of blue are getting to know one other once again. I am beginning to breath easier.
My crayon box is just about full. The search for my crayons has been an adventure filled with joy, pain, laughs and unexpected turns. I am on the verge of my next adventure, I can see it just up ahead of me. Right now though, I will finish the task at hand. My last few crayons may be found on a river somewhere or right here in my backyard. They may be found in my kitchen while I'm making my next banana bread loaf. They might be found in the dark silence of my bedroom in that dreamy haze of my mind right before I fall asleep. I can't wait but I can be patient.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness has always come easy for me. I can say that it comes too easily. Granted I never forget and at times the hurt will resurface and hurt me all over again but I genuinely love people and sincerely forgive.

I am forgiving today and I only hope those I hurt will forgive me. I am also going to do the very best I can at forgetting. I am wiping the slate clean for me and for those who have hurt me.

Just saying, for all to see.

Today is my new day.

Missionary Ridge

Our Sunday drives don't always fall on a Sunday but it's always Sunday when we go for a family drive!

Military park atop Missionary Ridge. Minnesota monument.

Where's Hayden?

There he is.

Willow is never hard to find - say cheese!

Going for a ride on a recreation of a civil war cannon.

YAY, for Sunday drives!

Rain Day?

School has been canceled today due to heavy rains and flooding. Gotta love the south, and I do - it is the land of my birth afterall, we don't get snow days we get rain days : )

I have finally given in to my husband after much thought and introspection and the wind of change is blowing softly on my back once again. Fort Collins, Colorado will be our next move and this time I will not say that it is our last. We will see snow in two years and these rain days will be a thing of the past, instead they will be called snow days.
Yeah, yeah - so I said I was putting my foot down and keeping the family in Chattanooga. Well, Brandy's foot is bigger (and stinky too) and quite frankly I'm wanting to see some snow too. You also can't beat 300 days of sunshine a year and as you may well imagine the balance of those are snow clouds. I am happy with the decision and I'm already collecting boxes for packing.

So, the next course of action will be finishing the updates and repairs on the house and then putting it on the market. We have given ourselves a year and a half to accomplish a few goals and complete a few things and tie up some loose ends. We always seem to get it done and with grace when it comes to moving - at least that seems to be the history with us and trust me we have moved a lot : )

We have given Willow a voice in this move and she has agreed that it will be fun and that it is ok with her. She remembers our move to Chattanooga and surprisingly even relived some details and memories of what we did and how she felt. I am confident that she knows what is to come and she (at the moment) is very excited and ready. Hayden will learn more from this move and as expected remembers nothing of our move to Chatt. He is the only true Chattanoogan in the family right now.

I am looking forward to getting my ski's, snow boots and snow suit out of storage - if it's still in storage??? I haven't seen my winter gear in years and I will gobble them up if they are still intact. Wish us luck - this is gonna be a busy couple of years!

December 5, 2009

I love my family

Our children are richer when we let them know that we, even as adults, want to grow too and that we hope to keep growing all our lives.

~ Fred Rogers

Life is Good and so is our backyard.

Childhood isn't just something we "get through." It's a big journey and it's one we've all taken. Most likely, though, we've forgotten how much we had to learn along the way about ourselves and others.

~Fred Rogers

Respect the child. Treat him as a person. The best thing a person can feel is to be accepted as he is, not as he will be when he grows up but as he is now, right this very minute.

~Fred Rogers

What a great morning!

We were up at 6am and outside by 7am. We made it outside just in time to play in the falling snow. We were inside eating breakfast and drinking our hot chocolate at 8, just as the snow stopped falling. The early bird truly got the worm this morning.

Newbie Hayden

Newborn Willow

Sept 04

Preggie pic

2004

Newbie Willow

2004

Newbie Hayden

2007

Christmas' Past

Christmas 2005

Thanks

On the journey of life you come across many people. Some come and go, most make an impression of some kind and few stick and become friends. In my life I have identified three types of people: the users, the ass kissers (users and ass kissers are sometimes one and the same) and the true friend.



Now, you can be friends with all three types (so my husband tells me) "you just need to learn to take them at face value". This has always been difficult for me because I want everyone to be true and at the ripe age of 34 (almost 34) I have finally learned who is true and who is not. Unlike my husband; however, I don't know if I can have the users and ass kissers as friends. I have a tendency to hang on to people who abuse their friendship with me in hopes they will change. I think if I just keep being a true blue friend to these people that they will come around and I always get hurt. I have learned that I can change and I can't change others.

The user is an elusive creature. Hard to find when you are in need and can at times be confused with the ass-kisser. In my experience the user is fair weathered at best and when the chips are down for them transform into the ass-kisser to get what they need or want. I am forever the sucker and just recently learned to be weary of such characters. Getting used and then tossed to the curb hurts. The user in general doesn't like or down right hates true blue people especially if they are friends with the person who is being used. The user, when confronted with a true blue person, becomes arrogant. The users in my experience have even lied to come off as something better than what they are to maintain control of those being used, rare but I've seen it. Yep, a user who lies is a difficult personality to maintain a friendship with. I've learned just to let those people go.

Everyone knows an ass-kisser. They are the opposite of the hard-worker. They also can be confused with the user and some may even say that the ass-kisser and the user are actually the same person. Ass-kissers are in the moment. Friends with everyone and throw gifts, money and compliments at anyone willing to listen. I have found that ass-kissers are not good listeners. I have also found that ass-kissers really don't mean what they say. Attention is their goal. The ass-kisser will never tell you that you have a rip in the back of your pants. The ass-kisser will never tell you anything that could possibly stain the the perfect perception of themselves that they think they have created for the world to see. Telling you the truth is never an option. These people are two faced and will smile at you in public and then bitch about you at home. The one difference between the ass-kisser and the user is the ass-kisser will run to your aid if you call upon them. They run to your side but let me tell you that they only do it for the story they have to spread. You are merely around to make them look good.

True friends are a gem. Gems to be cherished. I am proud of the true friend in me. I am proud to have true friends in my life. True friends are the ones waiting in the sidelines to give you a smile when a user or an ass-kisser just tossed you away. True friends balance truth and kindness with a perfection that just can't be copied by a user or ass-kisser. True friends shine. True friends keep you grounded and then let you float. True friends forgive and forget. true friends are honest and let you know how awful your casserole was but always prefer kindness over being right.

I am no saint. I can identify with the user and the ass-kisser. I see these traits in some degree in myself and have the wisdom to change them. I have identified them in myself over the past year and as a result see them more clearly in those that I come in contact with. There is more to human personality than what I have suggested here but these themes seem to occur over and over in my life. This is an affirmation of who I am now and what I am letting go of. I am letting go of difficult relationships and inner conflicts and renewing the friendships that remain constant and positive. I have so much more to learn and I will never in this lifetime have the answers but I am getting closer. This has been the year of the friend and as this year comes to a close and the dust begins to settle I can see very clearly the people who have remained standing.

Following Fall

Sunday drive on Lookout Mountain - gathering material for studio paintings this month!

Trees, Trees are beautiful things!

Can't wait to paint this one!

My favorite time of year ; )

Boo in the Zoo

This year we did our trick-or-treating at the Chattanooga Zoo!

We saw animals . . .

. . . of all kinds and they gave out candy!

It was fun.

Willow got her face painted.

Hayden did too ; )

Isn't he cute?

We hugged a few dogs.

And we sat on a few frogs too.

We all filled our buckets, played games and explored the zoo.

I think we just may do Halloween again at the zoo : )