Rainy Day

It's been soggy the past few days.  The sunshine is starting to come out.  I reckon it's gonna get humid.   *giggles*
So, I'm sitting here thinking about Huckleberry Finn and what I'm going to do when the lil man starts school this fall.  I've been asked a few times. 

Never really thought hard about it. 

First, I am going to become a woman of leisure.  I'm going to paint a bit, maybe a lot.  Paint upstairs, downstairs.  Outside on the ground. Paint inside and every wall.  Paint flowers, paint trees, paint whatever I please.  : )
I'll read. : )
I'll garden, expand it and take out the yard. : )
I'll go for long walks in peace. : )
I'll take a nap under the big Oak tree for everyone to see. : )
Maybe I'll write a book or draw one.  : )
I'll figure out where the wind is blowing me.  : )

Second, I'll. . . well, that's thinking too far ahead.  Meaningful work would be the obvious direction.  

Let me sit in this place right here.  I reckon, with all that painting and strolling, I'll come up with some mighty fine ideas.  Yep, I think that suits me just fine. 

Wonderin

Just wonderin if I'm ever gonna take a hike this summer or if I'm just gonna sit and stare at our garden all summer.
Maybe I should go on a hike.  Hmmmmm. . .  Brandy has off tomorrow. . .  A nice long, shady, stroll through the woods.   Bring along some paper and pencils and maybe a fishing pole and have a peaceful walk and a little sit somewhere quiet. 

Maybe I should set up a separate garden blog?  What do you think?  You have my number.
It's certainly taken up all my time and thoughts lately.  Hmmmmm . . . might be fun. 

I love summer.

What My Husband Thinks

My husband thinks I'm weird.  Oh my, what to do, what to do.!? 
He's read my posts and is amused I suppose.

My husband thinks I'm strange!  Oh my, where has he been, I know I
certainly didn't just drop this fact on him.

My husband thinks I'm wonderful.  I know because he informed me as
I bent into a half pretzel while singing out my favorite song.

My husband thinks I'm beautiful!  He tells me in the morning, before the blood
reaches my brain and tells the rest of me to act accordingly.

What a man, what a man!

March is an Awesome Month

March is for shaking off the winter,
for being witness to spring peeping through the fallen leaves of Autumn,
for singing in the rain,
for cleaning up after the storm,
for greeting the brand new day,
for soaking up the rays of the approaching sun,
for playing in the breeze.

March is for celebrating,
love,
friendship,
opening the door.

March is for holding the hand of my love,
brushing off the coldness of indifference
and finding the seed of faith and hope
in a world of greed and broken promises.

March is for learning to see,
to finally hear and feel. 
Seeing that everything passes and is made new again.
Hearing life return to a barren landscape. 
Feeling that we are part of everything.

March is for looking around,
just look around, the sky is blue.
Everything is being made new.
It's beautiful.

March is for growing.
knowing.
trusting.
skipping.
forgiving.

March is for making mud pies,
picking daffodils,
warmer days and cold nights,
snuggling tight,
jumping in puddles.

March, I love you.
You are so Awesome.

Epiphany

I am sitting here on this cold blustery day contemplating what it is I want to be when I grow up.  I do this a lot.  Hayden will start pre-k in the fall and that will leave me with a bunch of time on my hands.  I need to figure out what I want to do with that time.  I have to admit that I have been pondering this question even before I had children.  I guess I've never really pictured myself being good at anything.  I just live, I suppose, without a purpose or meaning.

My children gave me great purpose and fulfillment that I don't think I could have captured as completely with a career.  I am pretty good at it and I'm very proud of my great kids.  They are my greatest and most precious part of my life along with their supportive and strong father.  I am blessed to say the least.  I am not blind to my own strengths and talents; however, outside of being a mother.

I come back to the same set of qualities and talents that I seem to have possessed since I was young.  Art, writing, and my tender heart.  I may not be a genius in these areas but it's all I know.  It's all I've ever been really good at.  I've leaned on my talents ever since I could remember and because of my tender heart it was my saviour.  It is who I am and I have continually turned my back and neglected this part of myself over and over again.  I have rejected and abandoned myself over and over again. 

Who would I be without my art and my poems and writings?  I don't know but at this time in my life I shudder at the thought of it.  I am once again embracing these talents; though, this certainly isn't the first time I've recognized that I am truly an artist.  I can't imagine being anything else.  No matter how hard I try to be something else I always come back, for the first time in my life I am actually feeling like I'm home but with one very strong difference.  I must stay true to myself this time around.

I am ever trying to please other people.  I am constantly trying to make other people happy.  I have been willing to stray so far from myself to gain the affection of others that I have made myself miserable.  I can't make everyone happy, believe me I have tried.  I have done nothing but disappoint people and worse of all stomped on my own spirit.  I see now what I am and what I need to do to come back to center.  I have to please myself and do what makes me happy.

I will always have a very tender heart.  I care deeply for the feelings of others.  I am also very outspoken with my feelings.  This will never change and believe me I've tried to change it.  I have resigned myself to this quality in myself and now see it as a great strength. 
I will always be an artist.  This is something I have also tried to change. How easy would it be to just toss it aside and be a librarian or a some other something or other.  It's not easy and I can't do it.  It comes back.  How many people would give a limb to be an artist of anykind.  I didn't want it for the longest and would have gladly given it up.  I can't do it.
I surrender.

This may sound all very dramatic and exagerated but I can tell you it's not.  I know other artists who feel the same.  It's a blessing and a curse.  The curse being the constant feeling of having to make people happy.  The constant feeling of not being good enough.  I have learned that to be truly successful these thoughts must be abandoned.  So, I surrender to it.  I have to, it's who I am.  I can't live without it and I'm not hanging out in my closet anymore.

I'm not going to make everyone happy.  I can't write, paint, draw or be what everyone else thinks.  I have to write, paint, draw and be myself.  My art may not suite you, it may not be what you think I should be.  My tender heart may break and I am prepared.  I am prepared for the first time in my life to take the good with the bad.  I will stop apologizing for not making everyone happy.  I will stop stepping outside myself to please the individual.  I am what I am and that's all that I am and what a wonderful am I am!

I'm Going To EXPLODE!

I can't find my camera.  It's cold.  My nose is runny.  Complain, moan, grumble! 
The only solace I am finding is here.  So, here I am.  I have nothing to say.  Nothing at all.  I have so much but nothing is finding it's way to the keyboard at the moment. 

I don't want to clean the house, AGAIN.  I don't want to do anything.  I want to be lazy.  I want to curl up in a ball and just dream the day away.
 I'm here to pretend like I"m being constructive. 

There, I did something today.

Spring is Gonna Sing!

Woke up to cotton candy skies this morning.  It was a beautiful sight, reminds me of spring.  I am shivering as I sit here to type this morning's thoughts, it's cold.  Seems this winter has been as cold as it possibly can be.   We've had more snow than I can ever remember too.  More snow is in store for us as well.  I could have sworn the weather man said this was gonna be a mild winter!  I can't help but dream of spring right now.

I am frustrated, I hate to say that but it's just a fact right now.  I'm frustrated because I want to go outside.  Ok, let me re-word that, I want to go outside and not shiver.  I want to go outside and dig in the dirt.  I want to go outside and feel warm sunshine on my face.  I want to go outside and eat a tomato straight off the vine.  I want to go outside and cut the grass.  Oh, spring, how I miss you.

I just love the smell of dirt and freshly cut grass.  I am one of those crazy people that actually loves to do yard work.  I live for digging in the dirt and getting all messy.  I love it!  My husband never has to mow our lawn, in fact, I absolutely forbid him to touch the yard.   Mine, mine, mine!  He really has no problem with it, if he could get me to do yard work in a bikini he might think he was in heaven.  Now, if I could just get him to clean the kitchen!

I suppose I should treasure this time of year, after all, without winter spring wouldn't sing.  The daffodils wouldn't wake up, the dogwood wouldn't bloom, the tulips wouldn't say hello.  Spring just wouldn't be the same.  I guess a good appreciation for every season is most fair.  The world goes round and why be miserable over something you have no control over?
      I still can't help but favor spring.   Spring please, please hurry!,

Good Morning

Oh, Hayden how I love you.
I woke to find you pouring syrup on the rug.
Why Hayden, Why are you pouring syrup on the living room rug?
"I'm hungry" 
Oh, Hayden!  You don't pour syrup on the rug, what were you thinking?
"I'm hungry"
Were you going to eat it off the rug?
"NO!"
Oh, Hayden.

Snow Day!

Ok, so I don't have any pictures of the kids.  Ok, so I didn't spend time with them while they played in the snow.  I pretty much put my ski's on and left the house on my own.  I even left a pizza in the oven and a sleeping husband in the bed. I took one look at the new fallen snow and left.

I can tell you that it was one of the best days I've ever had.  Granted, I wasn't skiing on a marvelous ski slope, it was in fact a road.  A road that is usually busy and dirty.  Yesterday, however, it was white and looked irresistibly clean.  It was busy but with sledders and hikers, photographers and snowboarders.  Children played in the streets without worry.  Fast traveling cars were no where to be seen.  Smiles from everyone and it truly was magical.

I spent the entire day skiing on a road.  My road, among my neighbors, friends and family.  It was awesome.  Everyday should be this awesome.  Everyday should be a snow day!  Well, maybe not with actual snow ;)

Stone Dropper

I have been a bad blogger. Instead of writing about how bad I am I'm just gonna make it up to myself. Welcome myself back with open arms. Dive back in with my head first. I've been missed and the hugs feel good.



As you know, I look at life like a hike. A long journey with hills and valleys, mountains and streams. On my hikes in life and on the trail I pick up things. Stones, nuts, pretty things that I stick in my pocket to remind me of beauty. In life I may pick up inspiration, wisdom, friends. These things I stick in my heart. I carry it all right there but sometimes things and people get heavy.

I'm beginning to understand (especially in the past several months) the necessity of having to drop things. My time away from this, my most 2nd favorite past-time - blogging, has been spent learning how to drop things and leave them where they lie. This includes the souvenirs I have picked up over the years and people. How do you sort through all this stuff, especially when at one time this stuff was important to me?

It's not easy. It hurts. It's a decision to keep only the things you really love. It's a decision to keep only the people who really love you. It's deciding what's cluttering up your corners and what is adding beauty to the space.
It's deciding what is really important. It's looking yourself in the face and deciding if you want to be clutter in the corner or If you want to be the one adding beauty to the space.

It's really about me and how I feel about myself. It's about letting go and letting it be. It's the realization that, Yes, I am the master of me and no one or thing can weigh me down unless I let it.
So, here is another stone that I am letting drop from my pocket. . .

A Wintery Rundown of the Past Six Months (in no particular order)

Last Days of Summer.

Trip to North Idaho.

Clean sheets : )

Thanksgiving Day Nap.

Leaf tom-foolery.

Fall Front Yard Tree Climbing.

Myrtle Beach-Beach bum.

Camping in the Cherokee National Forest.

Spring Fever

This has been one crazy spring. We have been working and hiking and playing and everything in between. Mostly, we've been getting ready for the end of the school year. Kindergartners are not exempt from the crunch; unfortunately, but we are taking it in stride. Willow has a firm grasp of the kindergarten curriculum and is ready to move on to first grade material. Brandy and I are very proud of her. She is modest at home and doesn't flaunt her skills to others, Brandy will have that taken care of in no time I'm sure.

We have planted tomatoes and sweet peppers in our garden again this year. We had some luck with our plants last year and I can't wait. We have also planted some new herbs to accompany the thyme, rosemary and chives that are blooming right now. The garden smells wonderful already. The garden belongs to the kids as well, they had a hand in every planting and even planted some of their own. Willow planted Black-Eyed-Susans and Hayden had a hand in the Zinnia's. The garden is our family project and it is a great way for us to spend quality time together.

We have also been visiting the YMCA here quite regularly as a family and our thing is swimming. Willow is a swimmer now and Hayden isn't too far behind her. I enjoy dragging the kids around as fast as I can and Brandy has been seen doing laps. Family time at the Y has really been a great way to spend time together as well and is great excersize to boot. I have also used Y time as a reward for Willow when she does well at school, so of course, we just about go everyday. We have missed a week or two because of some visits from my family and Easter week the kids went to Memphis to stay with my parents. They had a great time and are now asking when we'll be back in the pool.

We have been doing our hiking at hotspots around town. The Chattanooga Nature Center is our favorite right now and I could spend an entire year writing about all the trails there. I'm sure here in the next few weeks I'll have some great hikes to write about. It's a wonderful place to visit even if you don't want to hike.

I'll keep you guys posted but for now it's all about school and yard work. Fun, fun, fun and I mean that.

The Everyday

Life has taken a busy turn these days and I haven't had much time to update. I'll give all my family and friends a quick rundown on the happenings here. Not many chances to travel or leave the city but we are sneaking in a hike or two despite it. Nothing to write home about though.
Willow has had a busy school year and we have just now settled into a nice routine. The routine is being challenged all of a sudden with end of the school year chaos. Two field trips, a birthday party for Dr. Seuss, and lots and lots of reading. Willow is reading level 1 books (See Jane Run type books) Willow also has her first boyfriend! He was found out when he came out of the school carrying Willow's things for her while his brother sang the old standard " Willow and so and so sitting in a tree. . ." Oh, the horror of it all.
Hayden is potty trained and is out of the diaper and for good. He has a solid month or more of no accidents and I couldn't be happier!! FREEDOM!!!! He is also a very good little helper and loves helping me wash dishes or prepare meals. I think he might have a knack for all things culinary. We will see where this new curiosity takes him. . .
Brandy and I have started a new project. We are clearing brush and ivy from our backyard. This summer I am hoping the kids will be able to turn over rocks and explore the urban forest in our backyard. The ivy is everywhere and it is a menace as far as I am concerned. It's a lot of work but will be worth it.
We are also planning a fishing trip this weekend and I am really living for that event. It will mark Brandy and my 10 year wedding anniversary. We will be pulling out all of the fly fishing gear and camping equipment for this one and I have my heart set on a nice little plot right next to the river. I am hoping for a new camera too (wink-wink.)
All is well in Whislerville! More to come this spring and hopefully some really good pictures too!

Birthday Boys and a Snow Day!

It's just not a birthday unless we visit Chuck!

Jan. 28, 2010 Happy Birthday to my boys!

Jan. 29, 2010 - Our dirty snow man!

Channel 3 News in Chattanooga reported 4.7 inches fell in all. I measured 5 inches after it was all said and done in my yard. This picture was taken only 1 hour into the storm.

New Hobby?

I just stumbled upon the most amazing thing. I have seen the light and I am in love once again. This has got to be the best feeling in the world. I am doing it again. I want more!

I am talking about running - trail running - running in the mud. Street running, running, running and running. Running anywhere - I don't care. I am in love.

Out of shear frustration I took off and it melted the frustration. I feel renewed and I am in love.
I am standing straighter and taller. I don't have to feel frustrated and slouch in misery. I am in love. This is awesome. I am doing it again!

This is how I felt when I discovered yoga. Now my yoga has a friend! Now my yoga has a loving husband. They go hand in hand and pack up and travel well. I am in love!
I am so happy I found it. It found me actually when I was ready to scream and pull my hair out it exploded out of me like the fourth of July!

I'm High I Tell You and I am Doing It Again!

Tree of Life

. . . to be in the arms of my love. How I wish to be sitting under a large Oak tree sheltered from the sun.

How I wish I was in the forest of my youth, tripping on the Strong roots of my family tree. Playing in her leaves and climbing up her trunk. Swinging from her branches. Reading my favorite book under her canopy.

Rainy day hikes, splashing in puddles.
Frog kissing, mud pies and dances in the rain.

Newspaper hats, hide and seek.
Tap dancing in the doorway.

Friends forever -
friendship bracelets, beads, secrets.

Love letters and first kisses.

Time, energy -
vigilance carefree.

Quiet moments under my tree. Just my tree and me.
Love eternity

The glass is half full

I am very proud of my country and the people that live in it. I am proud to be from a country that stands up and helps when there is need in our backyard. I have heard a lot of negative things about this country and our leader and I completely disagree. We are a great people and in our own time of need and in our own time of strife we have given of ourselves.

This country is by no means perfect and by no means are we free of selfishness. We are; however, giving and caring despite it. I have chosen not to look at the selfish - I have chosen not to look at the corrupt. There is no country on earth that is free from it and there is no person on earth whom is free from it. I have chosen to look at the good in people and to look at the selflessness of this country and I HAVE FOUND IT!

Look at the millions we give every year to help and look now when our neighbors in crisis to begin with are in their deepest hour of need. We stand with them and we take the lead. I will not look upon the injustice. I will not look at the corruption. I will not give it power. I will not give it audience. I will give justice my attention. I will give love my attention and I will give the images of hope my fullest energy. My energy will go only to those who pray and believe in hope and peace. THIS is the only way to produce change in our world. THIS is the only way make the dreams of the hopeful come true.

You have a choice. You may choose what you give your energy. Hate and corruption are an easy thing to dwell in and spread. I have chosen to turn my back on it. I have given my heart to the good in this world and the more I ignore hate the more love I find. Turn your energy towards peace and love and help lift this world out of it's depression. Love is in your hands and it is there for everyone. Love can heal the world. Send love to our leaders - do not dwell on smearing them. One person can make a difference imagine what millions can do. . .

Tet-tet

Teddy is big in our house. Everyone has one - well, except for the husband, he has a stuffed dog named Henry. We all have a lovey of some kind. Willow has Tettin, Hayden has Tet-tet and I have Chocolate Teddy.

Occasionally, one of these precious members of the family gets lost. It is a tragic occurrence to say the least and every available body is rallied to help find the missing link to our happiness. Most days the rogue bear is located quickly without a tear shed; however, there are rare instances when panic is felt because the hiding place of the Ted isn't as quickly discovered. Oh, the tears and the frantic searching. We always find our bear though.

Well, this time, Tet-tet was lost abroad and unfortunately we had to leave without him. Tragic and most sad! The good thing however, is that he (in this case) was lost at grandma and grandpa's house or that was what we hoped. My greatest fear is that one of these days or trips teddy will jump. Jump right out of the car and fall where he or she will never be found. That was my greatest fear for Tet-tet this particular time.

Yesterday we got a visit from the friendly and always happy UPS man. He was carrying a medium sized package of which we are used to seeing. We love getting care packages from all the grandmas out there! Hayden and I are always quick to get the packages open. We will use just about anything to get them open - spoons, teeth and the ever ready key from the key chain.
This day there was a lot of peeling going on. Layers and layers of tape to peel off - what fun.
The tape came off with ease and the box was opened and the contents were revealed . . .
. . . It was none other than good ole Tet-tet.

OH, THE JOY! He was tired from his journey and looked like he needed a good hug from his trusty mate and that he got. I have never seen a child so happy in my life. This happiness by far surpassed the happiness of walking out to see the presents of Christmas morning. This was the happiness of finding a near and dear love.

This was the happiness of all the happiest moments of a lifetime wrapped into one single moment. What love for a raggedy old Tet-tet. What love for a stuffed bear that has seen better days. What love. It brought a tear to my eye and gave me hope. It renewed my spirit. It filled me with love and joy. Teddy's are an important part of our family and I am so proud my children find comfort in such things. What a wonderful way to transition from dependence to independence. Pure love!

Tet-tet is back in his place - at my son's side. Tet-tet's position of honor has been restored and my son's faith in love has been renewed. The toy trains he had been using as a substitution have been tossed to the floor. I can't blame him! Tet-tet can never be replaced and I wouldn't dream of trying to.

The Evolution of Vicky Whisler

Yet another birthday and holiday season is upon me and while standing in my kitchen baking a second round of muffins, I have taken inventory of my life. Baking and feeding two children that for most people who know me very well would 10 years ago find improbable if not impossible.

20 years ago having kids or even being married for that matter was something I simply was not interested in. I was more interested in hiding out in the basement of my parents house and painting. I also was quite dark and brooding. I had plenty of friends who were for the most part dark and brooding as well except for a few I pretty much kept to myself. I did have one friend who was normal and did a fine job at making me appear normal as well - she was my best friend.

I listened to the dark music of the day - NIN - and I preferred a solitary life at school. I was constantly in my head. I was constantly in my journal (considered myself a poet as well) and I was constantly painting or drawing. I had little time for friends and I didn't do the typical things girls my age did. I hated babysitting and I hated girly girl shit for the most part. I hung out with the boys in my neighborhood and we spent most of our time in the woods. Hiking, digging around in the creek picking the crayfish out. Mostly, I spent my days under a beech tree in the woods in my backyard dreaming.

Dreaming of my future life. My future solitary life. My future solitary life in a log cabin in a forest somewhere. Somewhere hidden and far away. I would paint my days away and live off the land and not worry about the people out there. I never wanted to get married and I certainly never wanted to have kids. I would be content - me and the trees.

I researched every plant, tree, animal, bug and living thing in the woods. I could tell you what was edible, what was deadly, what was what. I considered myself an expert of my backyard and I probably was. I never shared my knowledge with anyone but I had some grand plans and adventures all on my own and that 's the way I liked it.

What possessed me to marry and then to have kids and even more strange find myself baking barefoot and in the kitchen? What happened? Where did the dark go? Where did the poet go? Where did the solitary life of painting in my log cabin go? I can say it happened the day I met my husband. The day I found I was pregnant and the first time I made a banana muffin and it actually came out of the oven tasting good.

Thank God for good men. Thank God for children and thank God for food that tastes good.
I'm happy and Thank God I threw those dreams out the door the day I met Brandy! I give him all the credit. No worries - I keep his ego in check.

Rain Day?

School has been canceled today due to heavy rains and flooding. Gotta love the south, and I do - it is the land of my birth afterall, we don't get snow days we get rain days : )

I have finally given in to my husband after much thought and introspection and the wind of change is blowing softly on my back once again. Fort Collins, Colorado will be our next move and this time I will not say that it is our last. We will see snow in two years and these rain days will be a thing of the past, instead they will be called snow days.
Yeah, yeah - so I said I was putting my foot down and keeping the family in Chattanooga. Well, Brandy's foot is bigger (and stinky too) and quite frankly I'm wanting to see some snow too. You also can't beat 300 days of sunshine a year and as you may well imagine the balance of those are snow clouds. I am happy with the decision and I'm already collecting boxes for packing.

So, the next course of action will be finishing the updates and repairs on the house and then putting it on the market. We have given ourselves a year and a half to accomplish a few goals and complete a few things and tie up some loose ends. We always seem to get it done and with grace when it comes to moving - at least that seems to be the history with us and trust me we have moved a lot : )

We have given Willow a voice in this move and she has agreed that it will be fun and that it is ok with her. She remembers our move to Chattanooga and surprisingly even relived some details and memories of what we did and how she felt. I am confident that she knows what is to come and she (at the moment) is very excited and ready. Hayden will learn more from this move and as expected remembers nothing of our move to Chatt. He is the only true Chattanoogan in the family right now.

I am looking forward to getting my ski's, snow boots and snow suit out of storage - if it's still in storage??? I haven't seen my winter gear in years and I will gobble them up if they are still intact. Wish us luck - this is gonna be a busy couple of years!